


Sad Dream

by gelukstraan



Series: Ghost EP [1]
Category: The Tribes of Palos Verdes (2017)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mild Smut, Non-Chronological, POV Switches, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-29 04:45:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19822822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gelukstraan/pseuds/gelukstraan
Summary: “I hope the guilt will dim and fade, the fire baptism engulfed in my shame.”The cold ocean water stains her lips blue, it matches the purple circles beneath her eyes. Her face is like a sunrise at sea, when it comes to her he can only see what shouldn’t be there.





	Sad Dream

**Author's Note:**

> This is written around the song 'Sad Dream' from Sky Ferreira's EP Ghost. 
> 
> Writing can be abstract.

_[Listen the song here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dyeFalOjw0) _

_“Poured myself a warm glass and laid awake_  
_I prayed the Lord my soul to take.”_

She always smells like the sea; her skin made of sand and salt. Her hair is waving in the Sunday afternoon breeze, salty tears streak her sun kissed face. To him she is like the waves they like to ride. Wild, unpredictable and above all that beautiful. She loves the ocean more than she loves him; at least that is what he tells himself.

But yet, with every passing of their eyes there is understanding. She understands him better than anyone, even when she does not agree with what she understands. The cold ocean water stains her lips blue, it matches the purple circles beneath her eyes. Her face is like a sunrise at sea, when it comes to her he can only see what shouldn’t be there.

All Jim remembers is her. From their shared room as children to him sharing his fries with her in the school’s cafeteria. He misses the nights where she was just a breath away. He misses the way her cold feet would be pushed teasingly against his legs when he crawled into her bed when their parent’s fighting got too loud.

The waves will come, storms will pass by. Jim wishes for the rain to fall, to wash away all that is sin. To go back to when skies were blue and the sun shined hot. Jim closes his eyes, his wet hands rub salt into his eyes. Her eyes fall into his, and for a moment Jim is back in her bed with the storm that is their parents as a background noise. The ocean became their home, the only place where the memories can be more than just that.

But she looks away, her hands are shaking with things that are unsaid. It is all that is needed for Jim to crash back into a reality where their mother wants to find their fathers replacement in him. To the place in time where they no longer are two of one. Jim and Medina, their names used to be inseparable. But now it is only Jim.

It is not there, what once was will never be again. Medina loves the ocean more than she loves him. At least, that is what he tells himself.

  
_“I thought about you all day, how we have the same face_  
_I fell asleep so confused, parts of me remind me of you_  
_How could I ever wish away?”_

She remembers every freckle, the length of his eyelashes, the softness of his hair, the sound of his breathing, his long legs intertwined with hers.

Nowadays she can’t look into a mirror for too long. Never will she escape the memory of him; everywhere she goes, she can find him in her reflection.

There was a time they slept in the same bed every night, at a certain point she wasn’t able to sleep without him there to hold. She remembers how during summer nights their skin would be sticky with sweat, but even then they would not part. It felt better to have him and his calm breathing there. It had felt so innocent back then, but Medina knows now it never was.

When she was younger it felt as if the only connection to her family was Jim. Her blonde locks never matched with the family she no longer wants to be a part of. But she had looked like Jim and Jim had looked so much like their father.

Jim was all that she needed, she had hoped that for him it would be the same. How cruel it was to find out that she was not.

In the ocean she had found a companion, but it never was a replacement. Her stepbrother came close enough, but that was it. Close is never enough.

She stays behind on the beach, his ash long gone with the waves. When it comes to Jim, all she saw is what she had wanted there to be. And now she will never see him again.

_“Only ever in dreams I wrap my arms around you._  
_And standing in the water with me, I can tell you what I wanna tell you.”_

In her brown eyes he can see the world she wants to explore. But all he wants is to explore her. In the most innocent way of the saying; Jim needs to know what is on her mind. They used to be so close, they used to share everything. How come it is no longer there?

He wants to tell her so much, but he is not able to form his thoughts into words. He is silent when they are together, her eyes that stare into his feels better than the tranquility he tries to find in the highs.

The lows are lower after every high, Jim fears for the morning and its bright sun. The stars that tumble in the night sky are nothing compared to the fear of losing his sister to adolescent.

He is alone in the darkness of their new home, body heavy with unspoken thoughts. His twin’s room is easier to find than his own; in her bed he falls like he did when they still were the same height.

Medina may love the ocean more, he will always be the warmth she seeks out. A thought that drives him into slumber, with his body tighter pressed against hers than is proper for twins their age.

  
_“I hope it’s not just a bad dream_  
_Hope it’s not just a sad dream.”_

She closes her eyes, tries to hold her body as still as she can. His hand is just below her breast, she can feel the rise and fall of his chest against her back.  
  
Her hand slowly moves down to between her legs. She pushes two fingers against her centre, moving deeper into her twin’s embrace. Part of her hopes he does not wake up, a part of her does wish for him to open his eyes.  
  
Jim is a light sleeper, but he was not sober when he tumbled into her room.  
  
She wants to move her ass against his groin, to move his hand between her legs. But Jim does not know about the rotten feelings she harbors for him. Her own fingers must do what he never will.  
  
Medina likes to tease herself, she never was one to immediately give into her desire. The longer the wait, the better the result. But nothing can happen fast enough with his heat against her.  
  
She is already slick, when her fingers find their way into her underwear. Jim moves in his sleep, Medina holds in her breathe. But all he does is shift a little closer, his arm wrapped tighter around her chest.  
  
Her movements are slow at first, she is still afraid to wake him up. But when it almost becomes unbearable, a reckless feeling masters her. One finger she pushes inside, with her other hand she grabs his wrist. Her fingers curl around it, pushing it softly against her ribs.  
  
She tries to imagine it is his finger that is curling inside of her. She tries to imagine it is him pushing her tighter to his body, it is him who tells her how good she feels. Without really thinking about it she pushes her arse against his groin, her hand holds tightly onto his wrist. A shaky breathe disguises the moan she wants to let out. Her hand moves furiously between her legs. She is so close now, all she needs to concentrate on is her twin’s breathing. His skin against hers, the safety of his tall limbs intertwined with hers.  
  
A loud crashing sound that comes from their mother’s bedroom makes it all stop. She can feel her brothers body stiffen, a gasp escapes him when he wakes up.  
  
He pushes her down on the mattress, the thing creaking under their weight. She opens her legs for him, he pushes his right one between them. She wants to move up her hips, to touch what is forbidden.  
  
His pupils are blown, she can see the hesitation in them. He must be still under the influence of whatever he took. For a split second Medina wonders if she isn’t taking advantage of him; would he do this if he was sober? Is it wrong of her to take what he might not give when the sun shines?  
  
Their breathing and the ticking of the clock is all that can be heard.  
  
“Is this real?”  
  
Her arms snake around his shoulders, pushing his body closer against hers. He buries his face against her neck, a breathy sound escapes him. His body falls into her, she holds onto him _._ “It is whatever we want it to be.” She tells him.He rolls of her, holding the fingers that were buried inside her cunt only minutes ago in his own.  
  
He can see everything, he understands it all. And when he brings her hand to his mouth to kiss it, she can feel his tongue against her skin.

_“I wake up and I hear my phone ring_  
_I hear you call and I let my phone ring.”_

Will it ever be enough? Jim does not think it will be. In the halcyon days they were alone without anyone there to disturb. The ocean theirs to tame, the world theirs to ignore. In her smiles and laughter he finds strength to no longer be numb.

There is much left unsaid, but the both of them never needed words to understand. In the daylight they never speak, nighttime is when they blossom.

The blissful promise to run from it all, Jim is not afraid to feel what he feels. It is only natural, she knows him best. They never sleep alone; it is their youth all over again.

In the darkness their sins won’t be seen, not even by themselves. Their lips never touch, but their bodies do. He knows her body better than his own by now, there is not a part of her that is untouched.

His eyes never see, but his fingers always feel. He knows her better than he had before. It is all that is never meant to be wanted; but Jim never finds shame in it.

But storms are never gone forever, the birds will fly to places south, the rain will return. Their halcyon days will end.

_“When I got into my car and drove away_  
_I listen to the stereo play”_

At times she can still hear Sandy’s harsh comments, even when she is coasts away now. Sandy is no longer called ‘mother’ in her head. She does not earn that privilege, for it was as much her fault as her fathers.

She is far from the place of her memories now. She does not plan on returning; she does not wish to see the ones who brought her and her only love to this earth ever again. All that is left of them is the cruel echo of their mental instability in the back of her head.

She blames it on herself; she blames it on him. Nothing in the world could have prepared her for this, her grief being the cause of all her issues.

No longer she bonds, no longer she can stay somewhere for too long. All that had kept her grounded once, had been his arms. He was the anchor to her craziness, maybe she is not much unlike Sandy after all.

The bathroom is small, the shower cabin is dirty. Waves are heard through the opened windows. The shower is cold. Her eyes close, the cold water creates goosebumps, her nipples harden when her hands wander to touch her small breasts.

The ocean her music, all that reminds her of him is far away. But still, she always finds a way to get caught by it.

  
_“I live by my own laws_  
_Stick to my guns and hold my head up to the midnight sun”_

The shower is running, the water clatters on the tiles. It is early and her sheets grow cold. It is day, they never do this when the sun is there to bear witness. But it is summer, his skin is sticky with sweat and he can still hear the echo of her gasps in his ears.

All he knows of her is what she allows his fingers to touch; they never go too far. There is no going back, but it is safer to pretend there is.

The bathroom door is unlocked, almost as if she wished for him to join. There is no one home; their father had found another one to ruin. Their mother is probably somewhere having another break down. He locks the door anyway, the clicking sound makes her turn around behind the glass.

He cannot see much of her body, it being hidden behind glass and steam. He feels oddly nervous about baring himself to her. But she opens the door for him before he can second thought himself.

The steam cloaks them when he joins her. Medina always liked her showers too hot. But it is not the heat that he focuses on, he does not care about the steam filling his loins. Her skin is pink, growing red, because of the heat. Her hair is darker in the water, her eyes brighter in the bathroom’s soft light.

His eyes linger on the subtle swell of her breasts and the way the water makes her skin shine.

They clash in the middle, her hands grab for his face. There is no hesitation, no shame and no guilt when she pulls his face down to hers.

Their first kiss is filled with determination, promises and everything else that society taught them to never want.

She tastes like him, or maybe he tastes like her. He knows her body so well, but in the light it is like a new discovery. His hand track paths on her back like he had done before. But now he can see the look in her eyes, now he finally knows how she looks when she is lost in want.

She grabs his hand, guiding it between her wet tights. Two fingers very easily find their way inside, her head curves slightly backwards. She sets the pace, controlling his hand. Jim revels in the way she feels around his fingers, curses himself for not doing this sooner.

Her moans echoing through the bathroom might be his new favourite sound. She almost falls down to the wet floor when she moans for the last time. Her legs shaky, she needs to grab his shoulder to not fall to the ground.

“Good morning to you too.”Medina tells him when she composes herself. Jim’s burst of laughter can be heard in the hallway.

  
_“I hope the guilt will dim and fade_  
_A fire baptism engulfed in my shame”_

They hide their affections well enough, Jim had found himself a girlfriend. She had found herself another ‘brother’ to be busy with.

He is smoking and drinking, she can’t stand him for doing it so much. She does not own him, she cannot tell him what to do or not do. But her head spins when she sees him with other girls. So she does what is logical, find other boys.

Her twin finds her when she is pressed between a wall and a boy, about to do what only he had done until now. “Stay away from my sister.”

His words are spit out like fire, it breaks the couple apart. “Calm down dude!” But Jim is already taking her someplace else.

He is hurting her wrist with his tight grip when he pulls her away from the noise. “So much for keeping up appearances.” She tells him, angry with him for his stupid behavior.

“I don’t want you with anyone else.” They are at edge of the beach now. She pulls her arm from him. “But you can get with everyone else? You can go crazy on the booze and drugs? You are allowed to do all that and I am supposed to wait for you to come home? Do you want us to be like our parents?”

She went too far, she realizes it in the moment the words left her mouth. He pushes her against one of the palm trees that separates a garden from the beach. There are tears in his eyes, even in the darkness she can see them shimmer.

“I am sorry.” She holds his face, wiping the tears she caused away. “You are nothing like him, we are nothing like them.”

“You are all I have, please don’t break my heart.” It is almost as if he is begging. Medina shakes her head, she needs him to understand she never will.

She kisses him, his face pulled down to meet hers. Their bodies are grinding, her hand rubs over the fabric of his jeans.

And it is not enough, it never is. Her shorts are pushed down to her knees, her legs spread so they can become one.

There is no gentleness, no soft words. All there is, is the need to possess. He is no one but hers, she only wants him. With every of his thrust the tree shakes. It burns, but it is a nice burn. Her head falls back, the night sky is cloudy, there are no stars in sight. His hands are on her ass, pushing her lower body to meet every of his thrusts.

His grunts becoming one with the sound of the waves. Her nails sink into his t-shirt, it feels good. Too good, how can they ever get back after this? She does not want to go back, all she wants is this. No matter how disgusting it is.

And they do it again later, when sun rises and their faces are basked in the glory morning brings.

Medina hides her smile when Jim almost spills the milk when their mother asks them if the party was fun. “Most fun I had in a while.” Medina answers for them. The look they share goes unnoticed by their mother. There is nothing brotherly in the way he looks at her now. But perhaps that is how it always was. Medina can’t remember the time she did not want him close, maybe they’ve always been like this.

She feels no shame, no guilt, the dull ache between her legs is all that is there.

_“Only ever in dreams I wrap my arms around you._  
_And standing in the water with me, I can tell you what I wanna tell you.”_

His chin is resting on her shoulder, his arms are around her waist. The water hits her knees, she leans into his embrace. Both they watch how the horizon slowly swallows the sun.

They are far from home, weeks later his body would be found at this very same place.

One day they will leave, he promises here that much. His hands stroke the skin of her upper arms, his mouth pressed against her throat to kiss her beneath the burning sky. He was right, one day they will both leave this place.

Medina just never thought it would be separately.

_“I hope it’s not just a bad dream_  
_Hope it’s not just a sad dream.”_

In the end it is all she does. Dream about all that once was and couldn’t last. The memories of him fade like the darkness does with sunrise. Slowly her head becomes one no longer filled with clouds.

Her skin made of sand and salt. In every wave she tastes him, in every mirror he haunts her. In her emptiest moments she finds him, the salt on an open wound.

There is no shame, only regret. What once was, will no longer be. Only in dreams she is his once again.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this was fun. 
> 
> Halcyon days are seven days of peaceful weather in the winter based upon a myth. Nowadays Halcyon days refers to a time people are often nostalgic for.
> 
> Halcyon Days is an album by Ellie Goulding as well.


End file.
